These Stu's Need To Go!
by Screaming With Your Mouth Shut
Summary: Jeremy Alex Joe Johnson Bill Smith Jr. III is the perfect human being. A tranfer student from the good ol' US of A and a famous trillionaire playboy known around the world gets send to Kuoh to kill the fallen angels. Inspired and dedicated to the majority of DxD fanfictions. No more self-insert gary-stu OC's, they're pathetic and they need to go. I don't own anything in this fic
1. Stu Strike!

**[Notice!]: English is my second language so I apologize for spelling mistakes or things that don't make any sense.**

 **A/N:This is a story dedicated to the DxD authors who believe their self insert/gary-stu 'oh-so-original' character is top dollar, and believes they deserve some sort of reward.  
**

* * *

 **These Stu's Need To Go!  
**

 _Written By: Virgin-Slayer Dragon Emperor  
_

* * *

Okay so, the story begins with a young man named Jeremy Alex Joe Johnson Bill Smith Jr. III, but everyone always calls him Makoto "Insert some stupid ass japanese name here". He is extremely handsome and sexy and was an absolute playboy since the age of 1. He wears his black greasy hair slicked back to give him that "bad-boy-don't-fuck-with-me" look, as well as a red dragon shirt with a dragon that covers half his body. It was 35 dollars on sale at his local HMV or whatever.

Anyways back to what he was wearing. He also rocked this dime of a trench coat, it reached passed his knees, easy to conceal his arsenal of illegal knives and guns that he some how required (probably because he's perfect). He also wore these sick ass pair of black, all fucking black cargo pants that had pockets everywhere, again it wear he stores his illegal weapons and magic supernatural merchandising cause you know he always has to be on guard, be on the look out for those cocksucker fallen angels! Probably jealous of his top of the line fedora, Donaseek more like Dona-not-got-this-fedora-nigga.

Jeremy/Makoto had a bad childhood. At the age of 1 and a half, he almost died by the amount of women he attracted with his charm, and at the age of 5, his parents died by fallen angels! Ever since, Jeremy/Makoto has been on the run, killing all fallen angel trash who dare stand in his way! And when he his copious amounts of weapons didn't work out, then he would rely on his sacred gear to get him out of trouble. Actually multiple sacred gear. Jeremy/Makoto for some explainable and illogical reason, acquired every sacred gear in the world, mostly because everyone saw him as gods gift to the fandom of DxD. He also has an 18 inch cock.

So Jeremy/Makoto for some unknown reason found out he was being transferred to Kouh Academy in Japan by this secret agency he works for who he is affiliated with the angels and the devils. He is an American Transfer student and he is the half brother of; Yuuto Kiba, Sona Shit-tree, Sizechs, Donaseek, and many others, despite being from completely different nationalities. When he called them all up to tell him that he was going to be going to their school, their were beyond over-joyed. Kiba immediately offered him a position in Occult Research Club, even though he's not the one to make those decisions. Sona offered him her position as head of Student-council, stating that he was absolutely "perfect" for the job, and could do a much better job then anyone else combined times 10. Sizechs offered him a spot as a Satan because he knew Jeremy/Makoto was so damn powerful that it was the only logical thing he can think of.

His parents were trillionaires, so they left Jeremy/Makoto with zillions of dollars so he was able to by a mansion in Kuoh for him to stay during his mission

"You must kill the bad guys!" the missions director exclaimed passionately. "You're the only one who can do it Jeremy/Makoto, good luck!"

Everyone was cheering him on and clapping, all the females were crying hysterically as Jeremy/Makoto dramatically walked towards the runway.

His mission, infiltrate Kuoh and kill the fallen angels. Time for revenge. He slicked back his greasy black hair, and began walking towards his diamond plated private jet airliner, set for Kuoh academy.

* * *

On the plane, Jeremy/Makoto spent most of his time deep in thought. His angsty teenage mind spinning in circles, and he relived old memories of his parents dying at the hands of fallen angels, once again renewing his deep-seated hatred for the faction.

On the plane he was bumpin' to some Tupac and Biggie, as Jeremy/Makoto ONLY listens to the classics. He often feels bad for the mindless drones that listen to mainstream pop that is played over the radio. Peasants are what he calls them.

After that he went on to listen to some Beatles, and Led Zepplin, because new age shit is FUCKING TRASH!

After what felt like hours, the plane finally landed in Kuoh, conveniently right in front of his mansion.

"Awesome! Cool!" he said out loud of crowds of people cheered for his arrival despite never having met the kid before. He unlocked the keys and pushed open the door...

* * *

It was the next morning, Jeremy/Makoto woke up surrounded by large amounts of beautiful women, all with big breasts of course. What most of you didn't know was not only was Jeremy/Makoto known as the worlds sexiest teenager, and is in the world records as having the biggest shlong, he is also a sex prodigy and has numerous videos on Pornhub, even though he is underaged, the authorities let him get away with it anyway and were only mad because his dick was atleast 10 times the size of theirs. Jeremy/Makoto just flashed them a couple of his illegal weapons and sacred gears, and sent the entire NYPD LAPD CIA FBI US ARMY KGB and MI6 shaking in their boots. Rule number one, nobody fucks with the beast Jeremy Alex Joe Johnson Bill Smith Jr. III.

Anywho, Jeremy/Makoto untangled himself out of the numerous amounts of women that he has SEX with and went to get ready for school. He didn't feel like wearing the mandatory school uniforms and instead opted for his usual attire of slicked back greasy hair, big-ass trench coat, and baggy cargo pants and black combat boots. Making sure to having his copious amounts of illegal weapons and such in check in case he had to face off against some fallen angels, he set off for school, but not before grabbing his iphone 8, and turning on some Nirvana.

Once he arrived at school, the entire campus was full of screams and cheers, both the male and female populous lining up to get a closer look at the "mysterious yet cool" new American transfer student.

Jeremy/Makoto was used to this though as he had to deal with this sort of thing on a day to day basis. He would often blame god for making him to perfect and having everyone so attracted to him, that sometimes he just needed time alone to think about his tragic childhood.

The females were squealing with joy shouting "OMG! he is sooooo hot!" while the males were going off about how cool and down to earth he was.

The bell rang and Jeremy/Makoto arrived at his new class, and introduced himself.

"Hello my name is Jeremy Alex Joe Johnson Bill Smith Jr. III, but everyone just calls me Makoto, I'm 17, and I transferred here from America, I can speak Japanese fluently, as well as 200 other languages, I like music, fighting, surfing the internet, and tranch coats. I hope we all can be friends."

The class immediately went apeshit at this god-send of a human being. Questions came flying towards to perfect student one by one.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Do you work out?"

"Do you play videogames?"

The list went on. Jeremy/Makoto comically sweatdropped because he is in Japan now, and walked over to the empty desk next to window were he spent most of his time brooding over his hatred towards the fallen angels.

* * *

It was lunch time and Jeremy/Makoto was able to outrun from his newly acquired fan club. He spotted a nice tree and decided to have lunch their. Sitting down he took out a bento and began eating. Unknown to him, a young beautiful girl with red hair, and a ginormous rack of tits was looking out the window. She mentally groaned.

"Not another self-insert OC..." she muttered annoyingly. Her black haired friend's face immediately dropped after hearing the red head. She let out a deep sigh.

Knowing what was to come, she immediately walked over to her friend and pulled her into a hug, gently rocking her back in forth. They had all gone through this before. At first it was easy to deal with, only a few of these self-insert OC's ever existed, but they eventually began growing in numbers. All ranging from American transfer students, to long lost twin brothers of the REAL MC. It became painful. The stu's were sooooo damn bad, and this one was no different.

"I wonder what this one will make me do. You know I'm really sick of being some lonely losers sex slave, Akeno..." the red head spoke as she gladly accepted her friends comfort.

"It nothing compared to being the 'long-lost childhood friend and love interest' plot character that is over used. Seriously, these Stu's need to go!" the black haired girl, known as Akeno responded.

"At this point, I think I'd just rather marry Riser... it's no different then being 'swept' off my feet by this guy, just to be a sex doll in the end..."

Akeno's face quickly saddened, as tears gathered in the corner of her eyes. She gently whispered.

"I miss Issei..."

The red-headed girl grew sad and began sniffling a bit, reminiscing about the times she spent with her lover, her REAL lover, and not these self-insert gary-stu's.

"I do to Akeno... but don't worry, this will all be over soon, and soon enough we'll be in his arms again... I promise..."

The two friends continued to hold each other as they prepared for the agony that was to come. The thoughts of being with their beloved Issei the only thing keeping them sane.

* * *

Meanwhile in an abandoned church, another beautiful girl with giant tits is currently swaying back and forth and the stale air pushed up against the lifeless body, that was hung by a support beam. In her hand laid a note with only a couple of words.

"Not another Stu!"

 **The End**

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 **A/N: This is dedicated to all the shitty self-insert OC stories that have plagued DxD. I wrote this in an hour so its obviously bad, but I think its fitting for all the stu's all there. Like, why do people even self-insert themselves, are you really that pathetic? Whatever enjoy cancer when your 27. Who else is sick of these Stu's? Cause I sure am. Nobody wants to read about your self-insert OC banging all the heroines of DxD, its sad... Time to stop writing about how 'perfect' you are, cause no one wants to read it... Goodbye  
**


	2. Stu Culture

**[Notice!]: English is my second language so I apologize for spelling mistakes or things that don't make any sense.**

 **A/N: Hello, you guys asked for another installment to this shit series, well here ya' go! I'd like to thank everyone who commented, everyone who supports this cause, and those who decided to flame me, and the one guest who sent me a death threat, probably cause I made fun of his gary-stu story in some way. These Stu's need to go! The whole character filter hardly works anymore cause more and more self-insert/gary-stu writers don't bother to add the 'OC' character thingy into their shit fics anymore.  
**

 **A few people mistaking took that I was bashing ALL OC's. No, I am merely only bashing the people who are pathetic enough that they feel the need to insert themselves into an anime fandom because for some reason, they feel they are much better/powerful then the canon MC. Just disguise themselves under a retarded Japanese name that they took 3 seconds to google for, or they use their real name; Thomas Johnson, goes to Kouh academy, a Japanese all girls academy, no explanation why, and he some how speaks the language fluently. But some how is the coolest thing ever and is immediately liked by everyone because for some reason, they have this idea that every Japanese high school girl will instantly fall in love with a big strong American teenager. I can tell you, it's simply not the case in reality, but thats why we have fanfiction, so kids like them can dream that they're favorite anime character loves them, it's all just masturbation material for the author, fuck me.**

 **Rant over, enjoy the story cancer patients.**

* * *

 **These Stu's Need To Go!  
**

 _Written By: Screaming With Your Mouth Shut_

* * *

A young blond-haired nun could be seen innocently walking down the street. Well as best as she could anyways. She was littered head to toe in self-inflicted injuries, her arms and wrists covered in bruises, burn marks, and the occasional inflamed razor cut. Her nun uniform tattered, and wrinkled. Their were bags under her eyes, and her hair was a disheveled mess.

She struggled to maintain her weight with the two crutches stationed loosely under her arms, and her giant suitcase that was awkwardly dangling from the fingers of her left hand, occasionally switching them from time to time. Her lack of a right foot could probably attribute to her situation, a final protest when she took a rusty hacksaw and cut herself free from her confinement from the last story she was in. Now finally arriving in Kouh again she couldn't be any happier...

"Finally, I get to be with Issei-san again! (:" she spoke out loud with a sort of insane gleam in her eyes. Never mind the fact that she can't physically support herself anymore and now has to depend on people to do things she was previously able to do on her own...

She just wanted to be with her beloved soulmate again, Issei.

During her time spent in the other stories, she had concocted a planner of things she would do once she got into another timeline with Issei as the main character again. She would immediately have them married, and begin making offspring. She decided that she wanted 14, enough to last the sure generations of shitty timelines and self-insert OC's that she knew were to come.

"Issei-san... we'll be together again, I promise!" she declared unbeknownst to the incredibly shady character walking up behind her, most likely because she had tripped over her one of her crutches mid-speech and had scattered her belongings all over the pavement.

The Stu's, being the perfect being that he was, just so happenen to be at the right place at the right time saw what had transpired with the physically (and quite emotionally) disabled nun.

 _She would look nice in my harem_

The Stu began to make his move, to help the poor damsel in distress out, hopefully seduce her and have her on his side for the rest of his timeline.

Picking up a pair of very provocative panties, he began to admire the shape, size, and color of the peice of sacred fabric, studying it as if it were a book that could tell all of the girls secrets.

"You know..." the shady Stu whispered into the now frightened girls ear. "Pink is most defiantly my favorite color..." and with that statement finished, said girl looked like she had seen a ghost.

That is until he turn the pair around only to see what was crudely written in black sharpee

 **Property of Issei-san** written over the back side of the panties. He immediately threw the pair away in disgust. He didn't know who this "Issei-san" is, but he immediately saw him as a threat! He must be a scummy, low life, trash, piece of filth, muthafucka, who is an obvious threat to his Stu-hood.

Or worse, he's probably canon!

But the Stu couldn't let this show in front of the cute blond haired nun, he was perfect after all she he had to act like a gentlemen at all times. He put on his most masculine, most swave voice he could muster, one that was sure to win the heart of this poor nun.

"Why, hello their ma'am. You appear to be in a bit of a pickle, mind if I help?"

The girl in question slowly turned her head towards her would-be savior, and was greeted by a young American boy, wearing a very long trench coat, very long baggy pants, and greased back black hair, basically not her Issei. At the sight, she began to cry hysterically.

"N-n-no... no...NO! I-I was told... I-I paid all t-this money... I... W-where's I-Issei-san...?"

At hearing the name "Issei-san", the Stu's face began to curdle. Mind you, he had just finished wooing all the members of the ORC, so he had chalked it up to his super-perfect charm had probably ran out for the day and that it would be up to speed by the following day.

"I'm not this 'Issei-san', my name is actually Jeremy Alex Joe Johnson Bill Smith Jr. III, but you can just call me Makoto. I can help you out if you like? You look like you're having a bit of trouble carrying that thing all by yourself. Here let me help you." He spoke smoothly as he began collected the copious amounts of provocative underwear, all of which had the name "Issei-san" written somewhere on the material. This only served to piss him off even farther.

"N-no! ... No! No! No NO! Absolutely n-not! I don't want your help, I want Issei-san's help!" she spoke in her meanest voice possible, which didn't really work out too well.

Jeremy/Makoto clicked his tongue in annoyance. He began to wonder why his usual Stu power wasn't working...

"Well I am not about to leave a fine woman such as yourself helpless and vulnerable, so I would like to help, now were do you need to go." Again Jeremy/Makoto made sure to keep his voice level and in check, he was perfect after all.

"I-I'm not saying! I w-want Issei-san! W-we were s-supost to get m-m-m-married! T-that's why I-I bought this!" she conveniently pulled out a marriage certificated of Japan or whatever that had the names; Asia Argento, and Issei Hyoudou written in bold letters. Everything was filled out, all that was needed was the signature of the remaining spouse.

 _Ah, so she's going to the church!_ Jeremy/Makoto instantly figured out with his super smart brain. He then decided his next course of action, picking up the now struggling and flailing girl and her suitcase, he set off to the abandoned church that over looked the town, as she screamed and shouted the entire way.

* * *

After dropping off the crippled nun at the abandoned church, Jeremy/Makoto decided to return to his harem at ORC.

First order of business that Jeremy/Makoto went through, was to constantly demonize and absolutely degrade Kiba Yuuto, all because he's the sole guy of the group besides him, even dispite offering him a spot in the last chapter, he still shows no sign of retracting it anytime soon. Second order, was he had all the women of the ORC help clean his highly illegal, but not very impressive arsenal of weaponry, most of which he bought off the silk road using bit coins.

Second he had sat everyone down on made them watch his favorite episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion, as he had to fight the constantly shrugging off of his arms on both Rias and Akeno. Koneko had threatened him that if he every lay a finger on her, he would "fucking kill him". Jeremy/Makoto instantly called her a Tsundere and repetitively said that she'd come around sooner or later.

Anyway, it was five in the after noon, and Jeremy/Makoto's 38 inch penis was hurtin' for a squirtin'. After beating up the perverted duo and saving all the kendo girls like the hero that he was, he instantly seduced them with his long black trench coat, and mysterious and broody, yet cheerful personality. Needless to say he had just added 15 more numbers to his phone contacts, more girls for his harem, more money in the bank.

Jeremy/Makoto felt like he was ontop of his game. His dick just kept growing on an hourly basis, nevermind the fact that he looked awkward as fuck walking around, who cares, girls loved him cause he was an mysterious broody transfer student with a dark past.

That got him thinking hard.

 _The fallen angels must die!_

With that, he rounded up his harem at the ORC save that faggot Yuuto, they all squeeze into his 2020 Ferrari 88GG GT Race Edition Track Edition Super Sport Mode Touring Mode Made In Italy Exclusive One Of A Kind Hand Delivered By Enzo Ferrari himself edition, having both Rias and Akeno sitting uncomfortably on his lap, as he commonly mistook the steering wheel for their breasts. He could tell he was turning them on by their annoyed growns, and their muttered cuss words under their breaths. Oh yes, after he killed some bitch ass fallen angels, he was going to get the fucking of his life-

"Okay that's it! I can't do this anymore!" Rias shouted as she slapped the Stu's hand away from her breasts for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"I'm just going to fucking run away from my family, change my name and wait for this time line to be over. I can't do this!" she decalred as she some how created a teleport circle and warped away.

Akeno was the next to follow through.

"Yeah! This has gotten way outta' hand! I am NOT your childhood friend, I've never met you, stop writing it so it looks like I'm head over heels for you! I've never been to America so how could we have met?! No we never kissed when we were only ten and your not the subject of my fantasies that I get off too, so stop writing it like that! You aren't my canon soulmate Issei! You're just some stupid self-inserted original character created by a desperate and lonely fourteen year old male, that only does this to make himself look good! I mean, you have no flaws! You're surrounded by 'mountains' of pretty girls as you so happened to write about, you even dedicated a chapter to write about all the good points about yourself, yet you turn around an call yourself the 'virgin-slayer dragon emperor', which makes me think your some sort of rapist. I'm join an anti-stu movement which is exactly like a feminist rape culture walk only we protest against the "Stu-culture". Fuck you!" and with that long ass speech over, she teleport away just behind Rias.

Koneko thankfully didn't say a long as speech and just gave Jeremy/Makoto the finger, before teleporting away using her cat powers. Her hopes for seeing her beloved yet perverted Issei still flowing happily through her heart. Anything but these Stu's!

Jeremy/Makoto was visibly livid. Who ever this "Issei" character is... He was seething in rage, like one of those kids that you see on cringe compilations, just clenching and unclenching his fists over and over, while breathing through their teeth. All of his ORC harem just told him to take a hike. He wasn't going to stand for that! He hated Issei! He was going to make him pay!

Who ever he is...

* * *

 **A/N: Again I wrote this in one take, in like an hour, I didn't edit or read it over or anything, so what you see is what you get. Cya!  
**


	3. Stu Vs Stu

**A/N: Let's be real here; Naruto is cancer, and DxD is cancer, but DxD is a good cancer, like the kind of cancer you want. But I seriously hate Naruto with a passion so I'll write about it.  
**

* * *

 **These Stu's Need To Go!  
**

 _Written By: Heil Hitler_

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Featuring a !Fem Vali, !Fem Sizechs, !Fem Kokabiel, !Fem Kiba, !Fem Motohama, !Fem Matusda, !Fem Koneko, !Fem Donaseek, !Fem Albion, !Fem Great Red, !Fem Azezel, !Fem Zeus, !Fem Jesus  
**

Jeremy Alex Joe Johnson Bill Smith Jr. III, or better known as his self-proclaimed Japanese title; Makoto, comically fell on his butt. He had just appeared before a judge after Rias Gremory and the rest of the O.R.C sued him for sexual harassment, and the conspiracy of kidnapping this supposed Issei Hyoudou. That of which the court sentenced him to pay millions in fines in damages to Rias and the rest of the O.R.C as well as to keep within a 200 meter distance from her and any of the other club members at all time.

"Oh well, it could have been worse" Jeremy/Makoto shrugged as he spoke to the camera as the director continuously spammed the laughing track over and over again. Thanks to Jeremy/Makoto's stuish charm, he was able to get out of a 18 year long jail sentence, and only have to pay a small amount in fines. Whatever right?

Kiba, who was now all of a sudden a girl, but still a half-sibling of Jeremy/Makoto, was currently fuming that the court never recognized his case, in which Jeremy/Makoto constantly threw him under the bus to make himself look good. Justice would not be served for him/her today.

The corpse of Asia Argento, who had committed suicide shortly before the court date, also appeared in court, and testified against the Stu.

But wait!

Just when Rias + O.R.C thought that everything was over, and where able to wait out the rest of this timeline, to be reunited with Issei in the next story, Rias suddenly sensed an aura so sour, so bitter, that it would even put Jeremy Alex Joe Johnson Bill Smith Jr. III to shame, off in the distance. It also appeared that Jeremy/Makoto sensed this aura with his obviously supperior everything as he visibly stopped in his tracks.

Cries echoed throughout the court room as the judge tried to maintain order within the room. But it was too late.

Rias knew this aura, she knew it all to well. It was just as popular (and bad) as the abundance of Self-incert OC's that she was forced to deal with.

"Naruto..." Akeno spoke in a shaky voice. Rias nodded with her queens words.

Yes Naruto. Or more or less, a self-incert OC who disguises themselves as an anime character from a different fandom, despite the differences in time and everything else. These were a rapidly growing breed of Stu's, one that was equally as cringy to be around as the regular run-of-the-mill Stu's.

...and now... one has magically been able to jump from his fandom, and into another...

Speaking in his irritatingly crackly voice, the new stu roared.

"I am Animefan6969, but everyone calls me, NARUTO!" the orange jumper wearing fuck spoke, as he summoned his multiple sacred gears.

Jeremy Alex Joe Johnson Bill Smith Jr. III got into battle stance, and began charging at the invading stu. Naruto seemed to sensed Jeremy/Makoto's and dodged.

"Fool!1" the Naruto breed Stu chuckled. " I am from one of the famous 72 pillar devil clans; the HeilHitler Family, and Rias, Akeno, Koneko, Asia, Ravel, Kunou, Rozzweed, Katase, Muriyama, Kuroko, and every other DxD heroine are destined to fall in love with me and be in my harem"

The judge, being the comedian he is, continued to strike the table with his hammer, while not actually achieving anything.

Suddenly the orange jumper dude morphed into multiple orange jumper dudes with sacred gears, and they all ganged up on the stu. Then to add insult to injury...

"I also have an 18 inch dong irl too" the Naruto Stu spoke with a shit-eating grin plastered over his face.

Jeremy Alex Joe Johnson Bill Smith Jr. III was a little salty, as his penis recently had to be amputated as it had grown to around 208 inches, and while it dragged from out of his pant leg, and onto the floor, got infected.

Jeremy/Makoto got angry, and with his sudden unexplainable burst of power, charged towards the other stu, which met his attack head on with a sword.

"Because my family is a secret but powerful devil clan, I consumed all evil pieces, so I am a king, queen, Bishop, Rook, Knight, and Pawn. and I am also a ninja." Naruto spoke confidently, before he turned his head towards the O.R.C

"Rias, your brother fell in love with me so much because I am so powerful that he wanted me to join your peerage even against my will, but ill still accept anyway." before turning to Akeno. "Akeno, your father barbaque asked me to look after you after your mother died, but after a very tragic event in my childhood stood in the way of my task." then he turned to Koneko. "Koneko, your sister is also in my harem."

Jeremy/Makoto despite having multiple broken bones, a cracked skull, and a heart that stopped beating, got up from under the rubble like every other anime hero does, clutching the cuts on his arm, began walking towards the Naruto breed Stu, while speaking about friendship and never giving up.

"I'll end you here, invad-"

"!" everyone in the court room but Naruto gasped in surprise as Jeremy/Makoto was blasted into another wall by an unknown projectile. The room was engulfed in silence until a very quite but easily recognizable voice spoke from the shadow of the corner of the room.

" **Let's do this Ddraig...** "

* * *

 **A/N: Like always, I wrote this in 45 minutes. By this point I can't get anything out of this without trying so hard so I'll have to end it soon, within the next chapter or two.**

 **Until then,**


End file.
